You Gotta Be...

You Gotta Be
Des'ree

Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up
To the sky

Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead, release your fears
Stand up and be counted
Don't be ashamed to cry

You gotta be

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know
Love will save the day

Herald what your mother said
Reading the books your father read
Try to solve the puzzles
In your own sweet time

Some may have more cash than you
Others take a different view
My, oh, my, hey, hey

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know
Love will save the day

Don't ask no questions
It goes on without you
Leaving you behind
If you can't stand the pace

The world keeps on spinning
You can't stop it if you try to
The best part is danger
Staring you in the face

Oh, oh, remember
Listen as your day unfolds
Challenge what the future holds
Try and keep your head up to the sky

Lovers, they may cause you tears
Go ahead and release your fears
My, oh, my, hey, hey, hey

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know
Love will save the day
Yeah, yeah, yeah

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
All I know, all I know
Love will save the day

Got to be bold
Got to be bad
Got to be wise
Do what others say

Got to be hard
Not too, too hard
All I know is
Love will save the day

You gotta be bad, you gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser, you gotta be hard
You gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm
You gotta stay together
Yeah, hey, hey, hey

You gotta be bad
You gotta be bold
You gotta be wiser

Babaji

My first 'encounter' with Babaji was in "Bending like Bekkam", a lill indie movie, with an indian girl who lives in England with her family. Anyways, this Babaji guy was on their wall...

Here's a prayer that is apparently attributed to Babaji, the Himalayan Saint

Love and serve all humanity.
Assist everyone.
Be cheerful. Be courteous.
Be a dynamo of irrepressible happiness.
See God and good in every face.
There is no saint without a past.
There is no sinner without a uture.
Praise every soul.
If you cannot praise someone, let them pass out of your life.
Be original. Be inventive.
Dare, dare, and then dare some more.
Do not imitate. Stand on your own ground.
Do not lean on the borrowed staff of others.
Think your own thoughts. Be yourself.
All perfection and all virtues of the deity are hidden inside you:
Reveal them.

The savior also is already within you: Reveal Him.
Let His grace emancipate you.
Let your life be that of a rose.
Through silence it speaks in the language of fragrance.

On "Creative Visualization"

Yesterday, M__ showed me a book that his friend lend him. It was an old, 1970's book that had been incredibly popular back then, and stil sort of is today in the 'new-agy' entourages [in fact, it has been republished many times over the years]:

Creative Visualization:
Use the Power of Your Imagination to Create What You Want in Your Life
by Shakti Gawain.

First off, I must say that any 'truht' of the Asian philisophy brought to us by an American who took a Asian sounding name is always a bit woo-woo in my books, and I proceed with caution.

I have learn not to trust hippies. Sorry.

but that being says, from what I read, the principles in the book cannot hurt if one does not cling to them. The principle is that everything being 'energy', we can obviously influence the course of action simply by being concious of what kind of 'energy' we 'put out there'. We often deny ourselve some good experiences that we wish for because of underlying, contradicting fears and angers.

That's all I can tell you for now...
I guess I may have more once I get a good read at the book.

protect

god protect me

"OM MANI PADME HUM"
Tibetan pronounciation - Om Mani Pémé Hung

I invoke the transformation and purification of the six negative emotions of pride, jealousy, desire, ignorance, greed and anger into their true nature, enlightened mind.


mantra of compassion - avalokiteshvara

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Om sarvetra sukhinah santu sarve santu niramayah.
Sarve bhadrani pasyantu ma kascid duhkhamapnuyat
Om shantih shantih shantih

Oh Almighty! May everybody be happy!
May all be free from ailments!
May we see what is auspicious!
May no one be subject to miseries!
Oh Almighty! May there be a Peace! Peace! Peace! Everywhere.

rigveda 4:11:51 - india - 3700 b.c.e.

Saint Francis Prayer

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace,
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than to be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

Small Prayer to Tara

Tara Kye Kyenno

"Tara, holy liberator, swift-acting mother, I pray and invoke your blessings. Please watch over me, protect me, and hold me in your loving embrace"

~~~~~~~~~~~

Who is Tara?

Tara was once just an ordinary person, but after many lifetimes of practicing the Bodhisattva Path, she attained perfect enlightenment and vowed to stay and help all other creatures on their paths to enlightenment. The interesting thing about Tara is that she vowed not only to be a bodhisattva, but to do this in the form of a woman. Typically, in Buddhist thought, a Bodhisattva takes the male form. Tara's vow is striking because it went against traditional teaching. Her inspiring independence, along with many other qualities, has lead her to be perhaps the most popular Bodhisattva in the Buddhist tradition besides Avalokitesvara.

The story of Tara's origin, according to the Tara Tantra, recounts that aeons ago she was born as a king's daughter. A spiritual and compassionate princess, she regularly gave offerings and prayers to the ordained monks and nuns. She thus developed great merit, and the monks told her that, because of her spiritual attainments, they would pray that she be reborn as a man and spread Buddhist teachings. She responded that there was no male and no female, that nothing existed in reality, and that she wished to remain in female form to serve other beings until everyone reached enlightenment, hence implying the shortfall in the monk's knowledge in presuming only male preachers for the Buddhist religion.

Tara's characteristics as a boddhisatva
One of the characteristic of Tara as a Bodhisattva is her role of saviouress. She leads all beings across the river of samsara to the shore of enlightenment. She has a major a major role in the protection she offers from the eight great fears. These are the fears of lions, elephants, fire, snakes, robbers, imprisonment, drowning, and demons. Of course in modern times we rarely fear snakes and elephants, so these outer fears are only symbolic of the eight inner fears, which affect us all. The inner fears are: pride, delusion, anger, envy, wrong views, avarice, attachment, and doubt. Tara will help all those who suffer from these inner negative emotions.

comparing, comparing. no no!

"they" say that it is when you are the most deperate that prayers come spontaniously. Well, I am pretty much constantly on some sort of a state of alertness since a fwe years. I don't know exactly why but I suspect it is mostly because of my work situation. I always feel like I am going to loose my job, the change will be hard, etc.

Anyway I know I am f* irritating to anyone who is has their shizme figured out, but what can I say, I got to put the words out there in the 'universe' of the web, or in the universe in general, and somehow, the positive answer will come back to me I figure.
I have been trying to figure out why I am like this and comparing situations with some people I know who seem all 'cag' around here.

Example:

Kevin:
- makes $40,000/year
- as a f* journeyman for the muni and works four days a week
- has been working there for 15 years!
- has a house

Pieta
- doesn't have much money
- is on some sort of handicapped pension for about $600/mnth indefinitely...
- hasn't work in 5 years
- parents are loaded with dineros

martin
- same job for 7 years [only 4 mtnhs a year]
- $21/hour
- doesn't work 3/4 of the year ->chomage
- receives money from parents
- has been able to save f* over 10,000 like that
- low rent
- doesn't use is car [barely]
- chhhhhhhhheap ass

me
- in 4 years have been here:
- started by not being able to find a job for 6mth
- lost my first job where I was [evetually] paid $14/h for the last 6mtnh after 1.5y of working there.
- got a second job at $14/h for 7mtnh [4 days a week]
- changed to another job: Had it for about 7mtnh now -> but lost it! [was paid about 18$/h but had to do so much unpaid overtime I probably was paid $16/h
- have to commute extensively [over 90km a day!]
- low rent

Anyway, I realise you can't compare, but I know that the f* changing work all the time really stresses me out!

the 'feeling' is back

Tonight I have a deep sence of dispair,
why? I just read an email from the person I send my resume and cover leter to last week. I saw that I made a f* error in her name. What are my chances of getting picked now? If she's uptight: none I guess.

fucking hell why?
Why do I alway have to fuck up?

this is so stupid this is almost funny.
I so wish I had a stable, mid thirties kind of job now.
I gained about ten-fifteen pounds I am so stressed.
why?

please save my soul.

The life of a depressed girl. - prose by MM.

"I hate my life"

How may times has these words filled my head as I awake? It's not that I hate the people in my life. Like M__. It's just that feeling.

This morning I heard the birds outside in half life, than chris' truck. It's time 'to do things' I though, but I don't really want to do these 'things'. Any 'things'. I have so much to do to keep my 'life' going. I am on auto pilote, going to work. I want to work as much as possible, so I don't have to think that soon, I'll be out of work again. and then the fateful "I hate my life comes back".

The "I hate my life' is almost always followed by "I wish I had 500,000 dollars. No a million..." and then I sooth myself off in dreams and thoughts of never having my life determined by who 'gives' me a job or not. "I hate people" rarely comes next. But, sometimes it does. It's not that I hate 'them" so much I guess, it's the fact that I have to depend on them for my livelyhood, and knowing that they don't really care that much about my well being! That's can be scary. How am I supposed to cope with that? Some say, 'but you are supposed to care for yourself'. To which I retork sharply: "you need money for that". Trust me.

Yesterday I gave warm hopeful advices to a girl at work who also lost her job, and who's boyfriend betrawed her, while she found out that she had a blood clot in her left leg. All at the same time. Seriously. I reminded her that, I was just trying to make her see reality —she was pretty depressed— from another perspective, that it wouldn't be that harsh all the time, that it would eventually fade away —the feeling— and that things would fall into place. I also told her that the only way I could do that was because I was not involved in her situation...that it didn't mean I was 'happy, happy, joy, joy myself'. I could only see her reality —maybe— more clearly, because I wasn't feeling her feelings I said. So cheery, huh?

I guess helping her made me feel like I could help myself.

So long and thanks for all the fish...

Well folks, it's finally over. I have lost my stupid job. Now it finally kicked in tonight. I am sad and lost. I feel so insecure but I must not let this demoralize me.

Seriously. this might be a blessing in disguise. No one can tell what the future hold and trust me, I can definitively be scared sh*tless when things like that happen. I am so afraid of not making enough money, or But all in all, I sort of believe that it was really a great opportunity to be chosen by A___. I mean, at best of time I think she has mental issues, but She has really helped me, and been as sincere as she can be, just because I smiled to her, on that first interview...She looked like she was a moody girl. Instantly, she knew I would endure her caprices.


Now it's over. But I am a bit better off. I have worked with a company that is somewhat repected. It is a real opportunity to continue with a better company perhaps. I have a good record and I have made Allies. I am not in anybodies' way. And I am a good worker.
Sometimes I can be intimidated and this saps my creativity. I need a stable environment, where I feel at least somewhat appreciated, trusted in my knowledge and ability, and respected as an individual.

-----------------

I just read my chinese astrology. Although I know it is pretty much bull. I just want to believe in it a lill bit. You see, I tend to be very pescimistic, so this wont hurt in the least bit. here is what describes my sign:

The Water Rat
Being guided by the Water element means these Rats have a knack for influencing people. With their strong intellectual powers and great insight, they are also great puzzle solvers. They are quick to understand others and are incredibly practical people. Rats apply their talents to their everyday lives, making them obliging, generous and compassionate to other people. Generally, they are liked and respected by everyone. Like all Rats, however, they can be determined to seek their own gain, and will not mind using these talents to achieve it - though generally without losing anyone's respect in doing so.

RAT ENRAPTURE
One of the Rat's greatest assets is his charm. Rats can melt hearts with their smiles. Add that to their coquettish personalities and you can easily see how they conquer the hearts of others. And, since Rats love to go out, they have plenty of chances to meet potential suitors or future partners. An annoying quirk of some Rats is they have a difficult time severing ties with former lovers. Obviously, this can pose potential conflicts for the Rat and his new lover and can even endanger his ability to develop new relationships. When the Rat finally settles down with Mr. or Ms. Right, he will find a sincere satisfaction in the intimacy of the partnership.

SAGITTARIAN RAT
Sagittarian Rats sail through life and couple wisdom with perceptive. They can spot an opportunity a mile away, and are quick to act on it. Generally, these Rats are lucky but they have itchy feet.

THE RAT VACATION
Travel delights the Rat personality and ignites his curiosity. Sunbathing is not the ideal way for a Rat to spend his vacation. Rats are adventurers. They want to explore, examine, visit and party during their time off. They want to try new foods, find new sights and experience the culture of the area they are visiting. And, of course, if they can come home with an exotic souvenir to add to their collection their vacation will have been an instant success.

THE RAT ON THE JOB
The Chinese say others should always listen to the advice of the Rat. Because of their intellect and observatory powers, Rat people possess prudence and perception. They can anticipate problems, and are always able to see the big picture. They can hone in on issues at hand and make measurable judgments. These skills, combined with their sense of aspiration also make them clever operators. Status, money, title, and recognition are important to the Rat. They have keen senses of observation that allow them to foresee upcoming business opportunities as well as potential occupational problems. The Rat makes a better boss than an employee and, although motivated, they can be pinned down by routines. Rats work better in flexible situations where they can be freely creative.

MONEY AND THE RAT
Cunning and thrifty, Rats have a knack with money and are apt to save for rainy days. When capable, the Rat is a great money saver, and in strapped times he knows how to make something out of nothing or how to turn make things advantageous for himself. Although few Rats suffer financially, the Chinese have a proverb: They who pile up grain hoards have much to lose.