The spiritual revolution of the west.

The prosperity brought on by the end of the second world war made a lot of things accessible to the masses. It made a lot of people (on our side of the world anyway) feel more secure in the world. Perhaps unconsciously they’ve replace the one thing they could always count on for shelter— religion—with the confirmation that they could after all always have ‘real’ material shelters: a house, a TV, a wife, a baby or two and a car, because they had a good and safe job and that was reality, and they deserved it, because they were good people.
In the sixties and beginning of the seventies, thousands of their grown-up spoiled ‘good kids’ decided they needed a little more adventure. Their sense of safety in the world, their money, and some major technological improvement allowed them, to travel to India, Afghanistan, Turkey, Tibet where they had heard they could live like kings on a dime. There, they were faced with brutal poverty, but also fascinated with some weird new to me ‘non-religions’. There, they could live and love so easily. They could give and people around them would be grateful and look up to them. They could do nothing all day, call it meditation and feel fulfilled and content.

In this spirit of adventure and innovation, full of love, hepatitis B and self fulfillment, they came back home with fantastic discoveries they could call their own and proceeded to try and ‘enlightened’ their parents.
Of course that didn’t go over so well so they had to leave and apply what they had learned somewhere else. They lived in communes for a while. After a few years they realized they might just have to get a job. Which worked pretty well until 82. Life got more difficult after the crash.

By the 90’s they realized that they had fallen in the same trap as their parents. They had a job, a car, a family, and an oversized gut, but they still felt empty. They couldn’t travel to cheaper countries anymore, but they still remembered what they were looking for.

So they stated reading and writing, remembering what they’d learned once as children in Sunday school, blending it in with interesting stuff they had seen abroad, and removing the indigestible bits, they still hadn’t grasp…

In 1993, The Celestine Prophecy was published.

There are a lot of great authors of spiritual books in the west, but unfortunately or fortunately, James Redfield isn't one of them. I guess the book doesn't hurt anybody. it had good intentions after all. It is just like a bit of junk food every once in a while. To me the book is more like a sad benchmark of where we are at in terms of spirituality.

One must think I am crazy

Indeed.
reading through my crap somebody would really think I am crazy. Well perhaps I am but I dont know. I basically write whatever's on my mind without holding back. Writing it here is kind of strange. whhhhhooooo the possibility that someone would read it. Exibisionist? maybe.


I like to compare it to travelling.
When you travel by yourself. If you have. You find that it is suddenly easier to talk to strangers. The fact that you are a total stranger is perhap conforting, and you'll find yourself saying the strangest things.

It's not that these things are false or fantasy — Well sometimes they are, I suppose, but never the less, the fact that you have nothing to hide because you are already barely known allows you to feel free from your 'normal' social self. So that you can explore other dimensions that you normally wouldn't

this is all pretty heavy duty Jungian shizem but anyway...You know what I mean. It's good to let your crasiness out sometimes.

ahahah

man, why do I stress?

Oh god.
here we go again. Battling with another big bout of anxiety. Jesus, is it ever going to end? Besides when I am going to croak from a heart attack or something, I mean?
I know it is probably not just external input. I know I am prone to anxiety but, jeezzzz. I just want to feel a lil be safer at work. Why does it always seems like I am the "one too many"?

My boss hired an oz and a junior, and now I feel like I am maybe overpaid. She didn't ever discussed the priced I asked, but now I heard from the AD that "she's made her budget and found out she's paying 'one salary too many" Now I think 'fur sure it's mine'. I am making myself sick thinking about this. What am I going to do if she throws me away? Now I am volontarely working extra hours, on my own time to 'appear super productive'. And I cry. and I get a tension headache. And I can't talk to anybody about it. Sometimes I would just like to go to my boss and express my fear to her. Could you imagine the scene! Ah ah ah! Great. blink. Mouth open. I can see her from here: What? And then being fired a month later for 'not fitting with the team'. Right.

Ridiculous.

My boyfriend thinks I am ridiculous always thinking about that kind of stuff. But thrut is, I haven't been fully lucky in that department.Well, ever. It just makes me really sad and isolated. Maybe everybody thinks I am 'over reacting'. But these people never think to look back on their lives and see.'oh ya, I've lost a job once in 1984' they say. 'wasn't that bad. Stop worrying.'

Right.

I just would like to feel like I am truly 'with someone'. I guess the one that comes the closest to that is probably my boyfriend. He is very suportive in is un-supportiveness, I guess. Because he thinks I should see him as support - in case of emergency: He would 'lend' me money, he says. He would not leave me because I lost my job, he says.

The ironic thing is I think he would leave me because I am depressed because I lost my job.

Go figure.

A plee to feel safe

It's not a joke.
Somehow I always find a way to find myself in a position that makes me worried. Mostly to loose my job. It's just no fun and I don't know why it keeps on happening.

Now, I got a good job again, but I guess maybe I asked too much for wage and now that there are two others that the boss hired, I am so afraid that I will loose my place! I know she chose me and blah, blah, blah, but seriously, do I have that much more value then them. I can't see that I don't have more value than the oz chick. that's for sure. my only plus if it is a plus is that I am more permanently here...

the new guys is junior.

anyway. How can I make sense of this? Stop worrying like a mad woman. sigh.