What I got.
I often wondered what is it that I got. I just don't feel enthousiastic about a lot of things.
Just tonight, I rode my road bike to my car from work. I had intentionally parked my bike about 10k from work, like I do, 3 times a week, and it gave me actual pleasure to just climb this super harsh hill that, on the first day I decided I'd ride to work, I though I'd barf before I would get to the top. I'm pretty out of shape, and this hill was like, seven minute of concentration, pushing the pedal carefully, feeling my quads slowly getting more and more burned as I got higher. Just minutes of abuse and questioning the futility of the whole exercise. Now it takes me five. I can't really get upon my pedals right now I'm so weak, but I remember the glory of those uni-commute years. Like a race but better:L there's your whole future at sakes.
When I came back from work today M___ was at home already -- this is a usual senario. I hurried up as, he had asked me if I wanted to go to the lake: a couple of beers in the cooler, at warm suset on this little lake, ducks swimming around you. Pretty good picture. But then the conditions looked good for paragliding, so I agree passive-agressively to drive him to launch. He took off, right after this french girl that everyone there woohoo-ed her launch. I walked back to his little suzuki sidekick nineteen-don't-work-very-well and drove to the lake.
I used to paraglide too but I don't feel like doing it anymore. It feels dangerous, like too much effort fo r my overloaded system and I am pissed off. Nobody sort of recongnize me as I have gained about 30 pounds since last year. I am tired, confused, and I don't know who I am anymore. I could be up there flying around like them, being cool and enjoying myself, slapping myself in the back because I am passionate and I do such a cool sport. But instead I am here, writting, looking around and wondering what the hell am I doing here. With no one to discuss these urgen t mathers other's than my shrink.
Just tonight, I rode my road bike to my car from work. I had intentionally parked my bike about 10k from work, like I do, 3 times a week, and it gave me actual pleasure to just climb this super harsh hill that, on the first day I decided I'd ride to work, I though I'd barf before I would get to the top. I'm pretty out of shape, and this hill was like, seven minute of concentration, pushing the pedal carefully, feeling my quads slowly getting more and more burned as I got higher. Just minutes of abuse and questioning the futility of the whole exercise. Now it takes me five. I can't really get upon my pedals right now I'm so weak, but I remember the glory of those uni-commute years. Like a race but better:L there's your whole future at sakes.
When I came back from work today M___ was at home already -- this is a usual senario. I hurried up as, he had asked me if I wanted to go to the lake: a couple of beers in the cooler, at warm suset on this little lake, ducks swimming around you. Pretty good picture. But then the conditions looked good for paragliding, so I agree passive-agressively to drive him to launch. He took off, right after this french girl that everyone there woohoo-ed her launch. I walked back to his little suzuki sidekick nineteen-don't-work-very-well and drove to the lake.
I used to paraglide too but I don't feel like doing it anymore. It feels dangerous, like too much effort fo r my overloaded system and I am pissed off. Nobody sort of recongnize me as I have gained about 30 pounds since last year. I am tired, confused, and I don't know who I am anymore. I could be up there flying around like them, being cool and enjoying myself, slapping myself in the back because I am passionate and I do such a cool sport. But instead I am here, writting, looking around and wondering what the hell am I doing here. With no one to discuss these urgen t mathers other's than my shrink.
posted by minetto at 8:41 PM
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